51] @MrDispenser: Methadone is also available as a brand called ‘I can’t believe it’s not Methadone’. This has fewer calories
52] @kevfrost: Pharmacies in the jungle constantly run out of aspirin. The parrots eat ’em all. (C) The League of Gentlemen
53] @MrDispenser: The GPs wife is never the practice manager
54] @MrDispenser: Pharmacies love to get phonecalls asking if they are open
55] @The_Buffy_Bot: When we don’t have your medicine in stock we nip down to Boots & get it from them
56] @MrDispenser: Amoxicillin tablets exist and the correct dose is QDS
57] @rmoomin1: The fizzy cocodamol in the foil packets are the only ones that work. Fizzy cocodamol in paper packets are imposters
58] @MrDispenser: I never tweet at work
59] @drgandalf52: there is a secret room where they keep the ‘good’ drugs. Oh wait, that’s true!
60] @MrDispenser: Orlistat was never out of stock. We just think that fat people are more jolly
61] @The_Buffy_Bot: Any uncollected drugs go into a hamper that’s then raffled off at the Christmas party
62] @drgandalf52: There is an elf that steals all the pens attached to wires at a pharmacy desk. He is called P. Atients
63] @aye_sure: Pharmacist’s don’t wait until their CPD is called to write it all up!
64] @drgandalf52: When they run out of inhalers they refil the old ones with Glade plug and fresh. Cures asthma and bad breath
65] @The_Buffy_Bot: When you become a pharmacist you never have to pay a prescription charge ever again
66] @MrDispenser: Doctors never forget to sign a prescription and always check what’s on it before signing
67] @The_Buffy_Bot: GP receptionists are medically trained professionals
68] @weeneldo: Illegal supply of a class A drug? Could do life for it. But I’m not an expert; I’m a pharmacist, not a receptionist.
69] @The_Buffy_Bot: We know exactly which medicines you are taking from the description “It’s a little round white pill”
70] @NavinSewak: OTC medicines are effective
71] @cocksparra: the nurse prescribers have magical scripts.They can prescribe you dressings in ANY size you like, ANY size
72] @NavinSewak: Pharmacies have everything in stock, all the time. It’s their job to do so
73] @NavinSewak: Doctors understand the role of the pharmacist
74] @TheCynicalRPh: Pharmacists understand the role of the pharmacist
75] @The_Buffy_Bot: Pharmacists aren’t really necessary because doctors get prescriptions right every time
76] @thorrungovind: pharmacists know the whole BNF
77] @thorrungovind: you can add a patient on Facebook
78] @nivgill: Surgery receptionists have the greatest clinical knowledge of all healthcare professionals
79] @dthaker: We love asking patient’s if they’re on any other meds for them to initially say no and then say yes 2 warfarin
80] @drgandalf52: Pharmacy is open 9-6. Pharmacy closed at lunch. Lunch time varies between 9.01-5.59.
81] @dthaker06: We know every single colour, shape and marking of every single tablet made
82] @thorrungovind: Patients will make your life easier by coming to the counter when their address is read out, not someone else’s
83] @aisha_adnan: All patients pick up their meds on time
84] @aisha_adnan: There’s never any owings
85] @lmjones06: Generic medicine is actually half the strength of brand name, which is why it doesn’t work as well
86] @Pharm_Thoughts: The best times for flu shots are the first hour we’re open and during rush hour. Never come at any other time.
87] @Pharm_Thoughts: I, the pharmacist, have sole power over the price of medications. I choose the price by reading tea leaves.
88] @Pharm_Thoughts: Drive thru’s at pharmacies were the best idea to have ever come along. I always wanted to work at McDonald’s.
89] @Pharm_Thoughts: Make sure to carry on a phone call loudly while picking up your meds. We don’t have anything important to say anyway.
90] @Pharm_Thoughts: Prescribers and nurses really do know pharmacy law better than pharmacists. Always trust their calls 100% of the time.
91] @Pharm_Thoughts: Drug allergies aren’t important to note in your patient profile. Pharmacists can read your minds anyway.
92] @henrysjl: repeat requests do not need to go to the GP. We just need 48 hrs because we’re lazy
93] @MrDispenser: Drugs not made in the UK are less effective
94] @dthaker06: Bank holidays mean patients need two months’ supply of meds just in case they die in one day’s closure!
95] @MrDispenser: We only dispense fairtrade atorvastatin which does not exploit Ugandan atorvastatin farmers
96] @aptaim: GP receptionists will always expedite your query on an incorrect prescription
97] @jommcmillan: if it’s on the white repeat slip, it was definitely on the green prescription
98] @josh6h: “I only use this occasionally… Honest”
99] @lifeonthepharm: Our delivery drivers use teleportation devices to deliver at specified times, no matter of location, traffic or weather.
100] @KrishOza: It’s not the same unless it’s in an identical box as last time.