Monthly Archives: March 2013

I’ve come to collect my prescription

“I’ve come to collect my prescription”


So it begins. The Mexican Stand-Off. I refuse to ask her what her name is and she refuses to tell me. The staring starts. Never breaking eye contact. Not once. Ok, maybe once when I respond to the ‘Who wants a cuppa?’ question.

I have all the time in the world. Actually, I don’t. But she doesn’t know that. She thinks she knows me. She thinks she’s the expert on me. She isn’t.

I know her name. Of course. I see her all the time. She knows that I know her name. But I shouldn’t have to ask her what her name is. If I do, she has won.

I can’t allow that to happen. I must make a stand for everyone who has ever worked in a pharmacy and been faced with the same situation. I must not surrender. Not now, not ever.

Susan the Tech: “For crying out loud Mr D. Must we go through this every time she comes in? Just give your mum her prescription and let’s get back to work, eh?”

Damn you Susan! I was sure I would win this time!


Outside the Pharmacy

I always panic when some people try and park outside the pharmacy as they only leave one inch between the car and us. What’s the strangest thing you have seen happen outside your pharmacy?

@brennanpharm: Elephant

@kim_whitehouse: A scene from a movie being filmed! It was called ‘Goal’

@eoin_martin: Patient turns up for daily prescription with an eagle on their arm…

@RPHTOTHESTARS: A couple, 70 year plus getting it on by the stores dumpster.

@Rose_Amos: A man walking by dressed as a hotdog.

@Doriannjb: I had a woman come in for self-tan, she realised she needed to shave her legs, she bought a razor, sat, and shaved her legs.

@i_Q_Balls: A brawl. Was pretty funny as they both ticked box C on the prescription.

@Gordon1000: A policeman chasing a suspect who escaped through a plate glass window from inside a shop on the other side of the road.

@__shell: Patient takes time to wait on his bag of meds and then walks across the road, takes out an inhaler and dumps rest in bin

Simon Butterworth: It’s a dead end. I reverse out but those that can’t attempt to turn. I think 22 point turn is the record.

@BigTechRx: For 5 years I’ve never been able to see outside. But inside, some gross woman was filing the crust off her feet while she waited.

Top Pharmacy Lies

@MrDispenser: I am not on any other medication


@EmilyJaneBond82: I ordered my prescription and was told it would be ready this morning.


@MrDispenser: My doctor knows about it


@pill_saurus: But I always had that brand.


@MrDispenser: I use my steroid inhaler daily.


@theancientartof: I’m a doctor in my own country and I definitely need some Cyclizine.


@MrDispenser: I’m on income support.


@Cleverestcookie: Yes, I always follow the pharmacist’s advice, even though they just count Smarties.


@Zahel: The wholesaler let us down.


@alkemist1912: I only take Nytol occasionally.


@__shell: There was only  14 temazepam but should have got 28


@Jonesy147: I only need that codeine linctus for my dry cough.


@Ambreen91: I know how to use my inhaler.


@PharmakeusPrime: Yes, the Feminax and the Regaine are both for me.


Pharmacy A-Team

In 2002, Frank ‘Hannibal’ Dispenser was disciplined by a multiple for a dispensing error he didn’t commit. He promptly ignored the letter and moved to Yorkshire. Today, still wanted by the NHS, he survives as locum of fortune. If you have a shift that needs covering- if no one else can help – and if you can find him and pay mileage, then – maybe you can hire: Mr D

Hannibal sometimes works with a tech with bad attitude called Barbara Baracus, a good looking delivery driver called Tina ‘The Face’ Peck and a howling mad counter assistant called Mandy Mudock.

What They Say and What They Mean in Pharmacy

WTS: Your prescription is ready. It just needs checking by the pharmacist
WTM: The pharmacist is slow as hell

WTS: Dispensing is a complicated process and takes time. It’s not as easy as slapping a label on a box.
WTM: The dispensers need to discuss last night’s Coronation Street first

WTS: Could you please change this Oxycontin 5mg mr to the Oxybutynin 5mg mr prescribed please?
WTM: I’m not working here again

WTS: I was late to work due to traffic
WTM: I woke up late

WTS: Hi, welcome to the pharmacy, we love locums
WTM: You better do some MURs or we will spit in your tea

WTS: I know we said that your medication would be ready today but the wholesalers messed up
WTM: We forgot to order it

WTS: I just need to clarify something with the doctor
WTM: I can’t read the doctors handwriting

WTS: Sorry for the delay with your prescription, we are having computer issues
WTM: Susan has managed to misplace your prescription

WTS: Your prescription is ready but we just need to locate it
WTM: The pharmacist has alphabet issues and has put it in the wrong box

WTS: Your prescription is with the driver and is on its way
WTM: Oh crap, ring Alan and tell him to come back and pick up this delivery

WTS: My CPD record is up to date
WTM: I will start when I’m called up

WTS: I only have one biscuit with my tea
WTM: I have four biscuits with my tea

WTS: I haven’t stolen your pen
WTM: I have stolen your pen

WTS: You rang to ask if we’re open. No, that’s not a stupid question.
WTM: That’s a stupid question

Pharmacy Staff Night Out 2

After our first Staff Night Out,
we decided to try again but order a takeaway this time and go back to my house and watch a DVD. I was looking forward to relaxing after another day with difficult patients.

I had not ordered before I got to the takeaway. I went in and said that it was quiet. There was a chorus of groans from the staff because I said the Q word! I asked if it would be long because I had a taxi waiting.

I leant on the counter and did not step away the whole time. I was asked to have a seat but I ignored them. One of the dispensers wanted to go large on her burger meal but wanted diet coke as she had a Weight Watchers meeting the next day.

A guy came in and was very mad. He said that he had just received a delivery and that they had tried to poison him! They had given him chilli sauce instead of tomato sauce. This had happened before and he was going to report them. The assistant looked at the receipt and replied that it was not her that had done it.

As I got my food, I checked it in front of the assistant before I left, to make sure it was right. Luckily for them it was. On my way out, I saw one of the staff clearing the tables and noticed that half the food had been left on one of the tables. What a waste! I was glad that I did not work there.