Category Archives: twitter

Motivational Pharmacy Quotes

This was a hashtag started by @pillmanuk

@PharmakeusEsq: Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer – by opening up a 100 hour pharmacy next door to them.

@GrahamJudas: The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, locum for a bit.

@GrahamJudas: Don’t be afraid to stand for what you believe in. Even if it means asking for something to be relabelled 3 times

@MrDispenser: When working in Bradford, do as the Bradfordians do and nip out for a curry on your lunch

‏@MrDispenser: Forget all the reasons it won’t work & believe the one reason that it will because the doctor has signed it so must be right

‏@PharmakeusEsq: Don’t sweat the small stuff – we’ve got some out of date Anhydrol Forte you can have?

@MrDispenser: When you say it’s hard, you actually mean you can’t find the calculator and work out 112-56 in your head

@pillmanuk: The will to win, desire to succeed, urge to reach your full potential. These are the keys that will get you 400 MURs.

@MrDispenser: Life is like a CD running balance. You need some negatives in order to appreciate the positives

@pgimmo: The only limit is your own imagination. That and the MUR cap

@MrDispenser: Rule #1 of life. Do what makes YOUR area manager happy

@MrDispenser: Just remember there is someone out there that is more than happy with doing less MURs than you

@pillmanuk: If you’re going through hell, you’re in pharmacy

@PharmakeusEsq: Success is the ability to go from one deprived run-down pharmacy to another with no loss of enthusiasm

@MrDispenser: I am thankful for all of those who said NO to me. It’s because of them I’m locuming 70 miles from where I live

@jasonpeett: When they say 100 hours they actually don’t mean Earth Hours. That would be silly………..

@MrDispenser: I don’t regret the things I’ve done, I regret the things I didn’t do when I was still signed in as the RP

@pillmanuk: If at first you don’t succeed bang in a 100 hour contract

@pillmanuk: Multuples rush in where independents fear to tread

@Cleverestcookie: If you’re not that good, don’t worry; you’re bound to be promoted up the company structure

@MrDispenser: Without hard work, nothing grows but shrinkage

@pillmanuk: A healthy patient is just a prescription opportunity seen through the wrong end of a telescope

@MrDispenser: Opportunity does not knock, it walks straight in with a 20 item script at 5.55pm

@MrDispenser: Expect problems and eat them for lunch during your 20 minute safety break

@MrDispenser: Even if you fall on your face, be sure to miss that lactulose that I just spilled

@PharmakeusEsq: Mistakes are stepping stones to learning and a criminal conviction

@MrDispenser: A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to amend the CD register

@pillmanuk: Stealing someone else’s staff frequently spares the embarrassment of training your own.

@PharmakeusEsq: Failure is the opportunity to begin again, as an area manager for a different multiple

@pillmanuk: An EPS nomination a day keeps the Doctor’s pharmacy at bay

@pillmanuk: The road to hell is paved with bad endorsements

@pillmanuk: An ACT a day will keep the MURs rolling

@PharmakeusEsq: Quitters never win and winners never quit, no matter how good your prize for best Smoking Cessation Service

@pillmanuk: You can’t measure methadone when you’re shaking with fear


How to Annoy Your Pharmacist

People who work in pharmacy sure do get annoyed easily!

1] @ApothecaryTales: Tell me it’s cheaper at Walmart

2] @kung_fu_pandya: Buy a 20 deck of cigs and then come to get some paracetamol tabs on the minor ailments scheme for free

‏3] @J_Al_S: Ask about animal medicines.

‏4] @sam4715: It’s on the repeat so it must be on the prescription.

5] @theancientartof: Shouting ‘OY LADY! You in there! Where’s my prescription?’

‏6] @phuriouspharmer: When you call out “Mary smith” and a man says “yes, well not literally” cracks me up

7] @LSD_Locum: When they hand a prescription with 20 urgent items 2 minutes before closing

8] @EmmTurner: You: ‘do you take any other medication?’ patient: ‘it’s ok- my wife/husband is a nurse’

9] ‏@ApothecaryTales: Try to return a used bag of pancake mix you bought up front 4 years ago

10] @ApothecaryTales: Joking that you just printed it when someone checks to see if your 50’s a fake.

11] OneMissSharan: “Can I speak to your pharmacist dear?”

12] @shn86: ‘The locum we had yesterday was quicker at checking off & he was fitter too’

13] @ApothecaryTales: Say “wow, it’s so nice outside, sucks you have to work”

‏14] @Cleverestcookie: ‘Can I speak to the pharmacist?’ Looking past you at the older male tech in the background (happened to me)

‏15] @ApothecaryTales: Say you used to work in a pharmacy

‏16] @andychristo: Let your kids run into my dispensary and shout at me when I try and stop them eating the diazepam.

‏17] @andychristo: “Do u take any other medicines?” “No” “What about the carrier bag you’ve just picked up?” “That doesn’t count.”

18] @residentlocum: Ask him if he watched X-Factor/Celebrity Jungle/any other bullshit TV show.

19] ‏@andychristo: “I’ve got the flu!” No you don’t! If you had flu, you wouldn’t be able to walk into the store and tell me!

20] ‏@andychristo: Patient handing back unused meds “Do u know how much these cost?” “It’s OK son, I don’t pay for prescriptions.”

21]‏@andychristo: “Are you taking any other medication?” “It’s OK, I’ve had it before.”

22] @andychristo: “Are you taking any other medication?” “Yes, a white one, two blue ones and another thingy one.”

23] ‏@andychristo: “Are you taking any other medication?” “None of your business…”

24] ‏@Mexican_Badger: Ask “is the usual pharmacist not here?”

25] ‏@residentlocum: Complain cos you have to wait 20 mins because the pharmacist is on a lunch break.Why do they need to eat anyway?

26] @andychristo: Ask me: “did you not get into medical school?”

27] @shn86: When a patient says very loudly ‘I will have you know that I am a Dr, I know what I’m doing’

‏28] @andychristo: Complain to me when I recommend that you need to see your GP.

‏29] @andychristo: Start shouting at my staff

30] @andychristo: Come in with a new script for the same drug you handed 20 boxes of back yesterday.

31] @andychristo: ‘Are you waiting or calling back for this prescription?’ ‘Yes.’

32] @jaysonjaz: Call up and ask for drugs by their street names

33] @theancientartof: Kick off as Rx not delivered a) we haven’t got your Rx b) you’ve never used our dispensing services before

34] @theancientartof: ‘I’ve come to pick up my Rx’ ‘What name is it?’ ‘ Jane’ Of course we always file Rx by first names.

35] @rmoomin1: Hand in a script with unidentifiable stains on it
36] @MrDispenser: Pay for your prescription using 1p and 2p’s

37] @residentlocum: Don’t introduce yourself or ask their name. Just demand murs and nms

‏ 38] @MrDispenser: Say, ‘I have been waiting 45 mins for the doctors but I refuse to wait 10 mins for my prescription’

‏39] @MrDispenser: Throw a tube of smarties at them and say, ‘Count this’

40] @rmoomin1: ‘I’ve got a taxi waiting outside’ or the hospital version ‘there’s an ambulance already booked’

20 Reasons Why You Can’t Sleep

1] @Genty_Rocks: Just finished my shift at 11pm and am back at 7am.

2] @MrDispenser: You bought 10000 boxes of simvastatin 40mg and then the surgery decided to listen to MHRA guidance for a change.

3] @googlybear84: It’s your turn to open up and you haven’t been given any keys.

4] @MrDispenser: Your superintendent/boss is following you on Twitter.

5] @Cleverestcookie: You took your furosemide at 6pm.

6] @MrDispenser: You forgot to send the order.

7] @shn86: You forgot your WWHAM questions when selling a box of paracetamol

8] @Cleverestcookie: You’ve just woken from a nightmare in which someone was cutting up calendar packs.

9] @shn86: Your locum was a right fittie & you turned up to work looking like a tramp.

10] @MrDispenser: That angry old lady is coming in tomorrow and Vagifem is on quota.

11] @sheeba_x: You left a controlled drug on the checking bench!

12] @Cleverestcookie: Because tomorrow is Monday and you’re excited about working again

13] @Cleverestcookie: You’re locuming at the busy supervised methadone pharmacy where all the clients are related and look similar.

14] @Cleverestcookie: You’re locuming at that pharmacy again with no staff, aggressive customers and poor stock control.

15] @Cleverestcookie: Just remembered that you promised to deliver a prescription on the way home and it’s still on the bench.

16] @EmilyJaneBond82: Too busy making voodoo dolls of the pharma reps that pester you when you’re trying to eat your lunch.

17] @MrDispenser: Stupid PCT pharmacist convinced the GP to stop prescribing me zopiclone.

18] @MrDispenser: That angry old man is coming in the morning and Cialis is on quota.

19] @MrDispenser: You ran out of methadone and so used washing up liquid. Addicts did not notice.

20] @MrDispenser: You haven’t met your weekly MUR target of 100.

Awkward Pharmacy Moments


@mrdispenser: When you locum on the weekend and you don’t want your company to find out and you spot your area manager!


@mrdispenser: When you dispense a script for someone that you went to school with and you wait to see whether they acknowledge you or not.


@JoMyatt: I had that on Thursday. I told him he was the year above me and he knew me! Clearly, I’ve not changed in 20 years.


Arlene Caldwell: Even better when it’s a teacher who taught you at school!


@MrHunnybun: Very true, I can never tell if they genuinely don’t remember me or are pretending not to because they have a prescription for 1g of Azithromycin.


@Raman2089: I had a prescription for an old teacher once. I was so tempted to ask him but decided against it!


@alkemist1912: Particularly when their prescription for something like Methadone or maybe for an STD. I’ve had to deal with both situations.


@Alkemist1912: Or that awkward EHC for someone’s wife/partner – and you know that they’re supposed to be home alone!!!


@Andychristo: Ooooh. Been there! Awkward moment, especially as it was for a stat dose of Azithromycin…


@Checkedshoes: EHC with friend of daughter


@Kevfrost: Even more awkward when you present an FP10 and see it’s someone you trained in pharmacy.


@gemmieangel: Or when old geography teacher wants advice about the failure of his ‘privates’ when he has important lady friend to impress!


What are your awkward pharmacy moments?

Nobody Panic


Anybody have a code word or phrase at work to let other staff know that you may have a shoplifter in?


@mrs_commuter: “the windows need cleaning”………


@MykelO: I use “Any black bags in dispensary” Strange but it causes a laugh and works well.


@pharmaste_82: We used to have ‘red book’


@Louise_tweets_: -we’d call ‘Robert’ to the appropriate part of shop. All the staff would flood area, none of which were actually called Robert!


@Cleverestcookie: Reminds me of my father’s in the days of £sd – 2/10 (2 and 10) 2 eyes on 10 fingers!


@dropdboy: we used to have “red pen” until I vaulted over the counter when staff genuinely lost a “red pen”


@Clareylang: well when I worked in community it was code red I mean how obvious is that lol!!


@pillmanuk: GO TO DEFCON 1


@cocksparra: Used to be “pampers” like “is the PAMPERS still on offer?” Now I just say “reprobate” as they don’t know what it means.


@DJ_rai: ‘Does this cost £9.99?’


Aisha Adnan: We used to have only two tills in shop but we would scream” I need help on till number 4 please” and all except pharmacist would come out on shop floor one by one and either keep a Rx in hand,looking for something, other would go pulling stuff forward and pharmacist kept watching CCTV in dispensary..


Simon Butterworth:  No, I just go and stand near the door. Usually does the trick.


@googlybear: Not so much a phrase but a “look”, it kind of says “OMG we have a shoplifter”


Terrah Leigh Taylor: We have a look too. No words, just a crazy look.




Dubious Pharmacy Facts Part 2


51] @MrDispenser: Methadone is also available as a brand called ‘I can’t believe it’s not Methadone’. This has fewer calories

52] @kevfrost: Pharmacies in the jungle constantly run out of aspirin. The parrots eat ’em all. (C) The League of Gentlemen

53] @MrDispenser: The GPs wife is never the practice manager

54] @MrDispenser: Pharmacies love to get phonecalls asking if they are open

55] @The_Buffy_Bot: When we don’t have your medicine in stock we nip down to Boots & get it from them

56] @MrDispenser: Amoxicillin tablets exist and the correct dose is QDS

57] @rmoomin1: The fizzy cocodamol in the foil packets are the only ones that work. Fizzy cocodamol in paper packets are imposters

58] @MrDispenser: I never tweet at work

59] @drgandalf52: there is a secret room where they keep the ‘good’ drugs. Oh wait, that’s true!

60] @MrDispenser: Orlistat was never out of stock. We just think that fat people are more jolly

61] @The_Buffy_Bot: Any uncollected drugs go into a hamper that’s then raffled off at the Christmas party

62] @drgandalf52: There is an elf that steals all the pens attached to wires at a pharmacy desk. He is called P. Atients

63] @aye_sure: Pharmacist’s don’t wait until their CPD is called to write it all up!

64] @drgandalf52: When they run out of inhalers they refil the old ones with Glade plug and fresh. Cures asthma and bad breath

65] @The_Buffy_Bot: When you become a pharmacist you never have to pay a prescription charge ever again

66] @MrDispenser: Doctors never forget to sign a prescription and always check what’s on it before signing

67] @The_Buffy_Bot: GP receptionists are medically trained professionals

68] @weeneldo: Illegal supply of a class A drug? Could do life for it. But I’m not an expert; I’m a pharmacist, not a receptionist.

69] @The_Buffy_Bot: We know exactly which medicines you are taking from the description “It’s a little round white pill”

70] @NavinSewak: OTC medicines are effective

71] @cocksparra: the nurse prescribers have magical scripts.They can prescribe you dressings in ANY size you like, ANY size

72] @NavinSewak: Pharmacies have everything in stock, all the time. It’s their job to do so

73] @NavinSewak: Doctors understand the role of the pharmacist

74] @TheCynicalRPh: Pharmacists understand the role of the pharmacist

75] @The_Buffy_Bot: Pharmacists aren’t really necessary because doctors get prescriptions right every time

76] @thorrungovind: pharmacists know the whole BNF

77] @thorrungovind: you can add a patient on Facebook

78] @nivgill: Surgery receptionists have the greatest clinical knowledge of all healthcare professionals

79] @dthaker: We love asking patient’s if they’re on any other meds for them to initially say no and then say yes 2 warfarin

80] @drgandalf52: Pharmacy is open 9-6. Pharmacy closed at lunch. Lunch time varies between 9.01-5.59.

81] @dthaker06: We know every single colour, shape and marking of every single tablet made

82] @thorrungovind: Patients will make your life easier by coming to the counter when their address is read out, not someone else’s

83] @aisha_adnan: All patients pick up their meds on time

84] @aisha_adnan: There’s never any owings

85] @lmjones06: Generic medicine is actually half the strength of brand name, which is why it doesn’t work as well

86] @Pharm_Thoughts: The best times for flu shots are the first hour we’re open and during rush hour. Never come at any other time.

87] @Pharm_Thoughts: I, the pharmacist, have sole power over the price of medications. I choose the price by reading tea leaves.

88] @Pharm_Thoughts: Drive thru’s at pharmacies were the best idea to have ever come along. I always wanted to work at McDonald’s.

89] @Pharm_Thoughts: Make sure to carry on a phone call loudly while picking up your meds. We don’t have anything important to say anyway.

90] @Pharm_Thoughts: Prescribers and nurses really do know pharmacy law better than pharmacists. Always trust their calls 100% of the time.

91] @Pharm_Thoughts: Drug allergies aren’t important to note in your patient profile. Pharmacists can read your minds anyway.

92] @henrysjl: repeat requests do not need to go to the GP. We just need 48 hrs because we’re lazy

93] @MrDispenser: Drugs not made in the UK are less effective

94] @dthaker06: Bank holidays mean patients need two months’ supply of meds just in case they die in one day’s closure!

95] @MrDispenser: We only dispense fairtrade atorvastatin which does not exploit Ugandan atorvastatin farmers

96] @aptaim: GP receptionists will always expedite your query on an incorrect prescription

97] @jommcmillan: if it’s on the white repeat slip, it was definitely on the green prescription

98] @josh6h: “I only use this occasionally… Honest”

99] @lifeonthepharm: Our delivery drivers use teleportation devices to deliver at specified times, no matter of location, traffic or weather.

100] @KrishOza: It’s not the same unless it’s in an identical box as last time.


Dubious Pharmacy Facts Part 1


1] @MrDispenser: Paracetamol is stronger than aspirin because it’s a higher strength

2] @MrDispenser: Calpol turns your wee into a pink suspension

3] @MrDispenser: All drugs cost 5p. The remaining £7.60 goes into the pharmacy cake fund

4] @MrDispenser: Boots also sell shoes

5] @ David_Loughlin: There’s no one else in the shop so you’re doing nothing else behind there

6] @MrDispenser: That medicine is not out of stock. It’s just on the top shelf and I’m too tired to stretch

7] @MrDispenser: Every consultation room has a Jacuzzi

8] @David_Loughlin: That brand doesn’t work as well as the expensive one

9] @MrDispenser: We only tell the receptionist that it’s urgent and we need to speak to the GP. We actually want to discuss Corrie

10] @MrDispenser: The only legal requirement on a CD script is a cool signature

11] @rmoomin1: The male member of staff is always the pharmacist

12] @louis_Purchase: You can really sell me that hydrocortisone cream to use on my face

13] @MrDispenser: If you do an MUR, the MUR queen puts 50p under your pillow

14] @MrDispenser: The three day co-codamol usage limit is just the best before date

15] @rmoomin1: Preparation H is totally licensed for wrinkles

16] @cathrynjbrown: and for after tattoos 🙂

17] @kevfrost: All pharmacies are required to have a mortar and pestle. The counter assistants use it to prepare lunch.

18] @M4lh1: Uncollected Fortisip and gluten free foods go towards xmas buffet

19] @MrDispenser: Pharmacists will sell Piriton for use in dogs

20] @MrDispenser: Pharmacists don’t need to know your full medication history. They are just being nosy

21] @Jonesy147: Methadone is just green calpol – it’s all about the placebo effect.

22] @Louis_Purchase: I take my medication differently to the prescribed instructions because the Doctor told me to

23] @cleverestcookie: Of course this medicine’s effective, it’s priced at £30

24] @The_Buffy_Bot: Oh the doctor prescribed it? It must be right then, pay no attention to me

‏25] @Jonesy147: The CD register only exists because pharmacists are so forgetful

26] @m4lh1: GP knows i take codeine & Nytol everyday, just sell it me

27] @cleverestcookie: Threw away your tramadol by mistake? Of course I can let you have 300. No charge either!

28] @MrDispenser: The addict really had 4 grandads that passed away

29] @The_Buffy_Bot: Yes you’re right; the branded version IS more effective

30] @MrDispenser: The PJ is interesting

31] @googlybear84: Having a Viagra stuck in your throat will actually give you a stiff neck for hours

32] @Jonesy147: “Homeopathy definitely works; I read it in the Daily Mail.”

33] @The_Buffy_Bot: Actually the CD register only exists because pharmacists can’t be trusted not to help themselves

34] @Fuzzdammit: The pharmacy down the road gave me amoxicillin without prescription

35] @m4lh1: Boyfriend: Girlfriends busy, I’ll just pick up Levonelle for her. She’s used it before, it’ll be fine.

36] @MrDispenser: Pharmacists don’t make fun of patients on twitter

37] @MrDispenser: You can submit tweets as CPD

38] @googlybear84: Shop staff know nothing about the products they sell, and only recommend the ones they’ve actually used personally

39] @rmoomin1: I take you more seriously when you name drop your second cousin twice removed who’s a nurse and knows best

40] @kevfrost: 5mL of amoxicillin, clarithromycin, ciprofloxacin, trimethoprim and metronidazole suspensions count for 5-a-day-fruits

41] @sam4715: We only offer a managed repeat scheme to make more money. We tick everything on the repeat without asking the patient

42] @danthedealer: Only the pharmacist is able to reorder your prescription over the telephone

43] @MrDispenser: GPhC will never follow you on twitter

44] @MrDispenser: The white repeat slip is a legal prescription

45] @hedferguson: Yes it will only take me 5 minutes to do your 20 item script but we’re busy playing monopoly out back…

46] @Cleverestcookie: All pharmacists chose pharmacy because they weren’t clever enough to do medicine

47] @MrDispenser: Pharmacists don’t need to eat lunch and this prevents them from needing a shit and keeps waiting times down

48] @Salsira: MURs take 5 minutes, doesn’t matter if you’re on 2 Meds or 10

49] @lauraberrycakes: Of course I can stand and chat about (insert non-relevant topic) when there is a queue of people waiting.

50] @googlybear84: “yes, I’m writing it down right now to order for you” whilst answering elusive Times crossword clue!

Book Names

Thanks to twitter, my book has a name. I asked and it answered.

These are the great responses that I received:


@Louise_tweets: the dispensary

@AdamPlum: “dispensing the truth from behind the counter”

@Fatema17: ‘Trust me, I’m a pharmacist’ although that could be too similar to a book called ‘trust me I’m a doctor’

@ian_bish: A Tale of Two Mittes?

@Clareylang: Prescriptions for laughter

@pill_saurus: 1) A day in the Life of a Pharmacist 2) The Good, The Bad and the Ugly Pharmacists tales@kelbel6969696: the legal drug dealers tales or a pill poppers tales

@Wojciethromycin: “Stories from Behind the Pharmacy Counter” or something about selling one’s soul to retail?

@pillmanuk: a prescription for laughter? The Apothecary’s Tale. How about The Big Book of Pharmacy or the Codex according to Mr Dispenser

@hajja22: Mr Dispenser’s Book

@saj_raz:”I love pharmacy” “pharmacy life”

@Cleverestcookie: Green Beauty


Bronze: @rachy2412: White Coats and Anecdotes

Silver: @kevfrost: Some Pharmacies Do Have ‘Em by Frank Dispenser

Gold: @Helenroot: Pills, Thrills and Spills


I have added Methadone and I am delighted to announce that my book will be called ‘Pills, Thrills and Methadone Spills’

#FF: Great Pharmacy Staff

Good pharmacy staff can make the pharmacist’s job so much easier. These are my favourite pharmacy staff on twitter. I have not made the distinction between counter assistants, dispensers, managers, technicians or ACTs. This is because I am lazy. I would love to work with everyone on this list

  1. @impure3
  2. @Clareylang
  3. @cocksparra
  4. @bianca1319
  5. @23Becka
  6. @RalphieAndBert
  7. @lyns84
  8. @joannahadowska
  9. @hedferguson
  10. @dthaker06
  11. @KatieAndLeonard
  12. @americaninmilan
  13. @miss_k_
  14. @Zahel
  15. @kebden
  16. @mandy3232
  17. @TraceyBidwell
  18. @19Zahrah
  19. @NatalieHeslop
  20. @pamelaforsyth
  21. @SuperTechUK
  22. @chineclaire
  23. @wyldchild007
  24. @curlycarly88
  25. @googlybear84
  26. @Dimple_Devi
  27. @bengalkitti
  28. @kelbel69696969
  29. @o0oKatyo0o
  30. @Lolaskates